Brides place a lot of responsibility on their bridesmaids, including financial demands. The question is: what is a reasonable bridesmaid spend?
A bridesmaid wrote in to Reddit wedding asking for feedback on her situation. She’s only twenty-three, got a part-time job, and has student loans.
Her engaged friend lives out of town, requiring air travel for the bridesmaid to the wedding destination. She’s beginning to feel overwhelmed:
“There’s an engagement and a wedding six months apart, and since she lives far away, we’d have to pay for flights twice. On top of that, there’s talk of a bachelorette trip, a bridal shower, specific gift requests, bridesmaid outfits, and being there for multiple events.”
You get the idea.
One person responded:
“Girlfriend, you do not have to do any of that. I don’t know where brides get the audacity to think the world revolves around them.”
The best response was this one:
”Tell her you can only go to the wedding, and ask if she’d rather you step down and attend as a guest. Don’t go into debt for a wedding that isn’t even yours.”
Several others agreed with this approach.
Several years ago, Miss Manners was asked a similar question:
”What can a bride reasonably ask of her attendants?”
Miss Manners responded in her usual droll fashion:
“To show up at the wedding clothed and sober. At least enough to give the toast.”
Interestingly, she targeted her advice at the bride herself, not the bridesmaid:
“Miss Manners has noticed that because of the exorbitant cost, it has also become commonplace to decline the offer, causing rifts in friendships.”
So to the question at the outset, how much should a bridesmaid spend? Only what she is willing to spend AND can afford.
She can honorably decline if the financial responsibility is just too much in an era when so many are concerned about affordability.
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