It’s been a year since we blogged on our favorite wedding controversy: children at weddings. But the subject never gets old, because feelings run so deep. It’s an intractable subject. Neither side budges on their position.
There’s no wiggle room, which is exactly what makes the subject so entertaining.
Advice columnists weigh in
A woman wrote to Dear Abby lamenting the fact that her youngest son’s upcoming wedding reception will be child-free. She’s bummed out. The parents have to travel to get to the wedding. Yes, the grandchildren will be participants in the ceremony, but excluded from the reception.
Grandma is “devastated they have been excluded.” She pressed her son and daughter-in-law to include the kids, but they declined. She is particularly irritated by the fact that their pet dog is part of the wedding party. Grandma is resentful and has shed tears on the subject.
For the record, the couple’s children ARE members of the wedding party, along with Fido, but all will go home when the reception starts.
Abby’s response:
“… this day is for the bride and groom. They are planning the celebration they want, and that includes a reception they’ve deemed inappropriate for kids. Show your love and respect for them by leaving your expectations — and your grandchildren — at the hotel.”
Can you afford to invite 60 kids?
Another advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, heard from a woman planning her wedding. She and fiancé excluded kids from their guest list for the simple reason that there we so many of them.
Their guests had 60 kids between them in a venue with a capacity of one-hundred of fifty. They limited the list to adults-only out of necessity. Everyone understood, except for one person, her brother.
The woman writes:
“I have tried to explain from every angle, but they are not interested in understanding any point of view but their own.”
Carolyn Hax explains the problem and solution:
“try[ing] to explain from every angle” undermines an unpopular position, always, just when you most want to bolster it. Why? Because having X different reasons hints at a lack of conviction, and belief in your decision is the most powerful argument you’ve got: “I know people will be disappointed, but inviting kids isn’t feasible.” Dooooooooone. Done done done. No further explaining.”
3 steps to handle ‘no kids’ pushback
If you find yourself in this position with a disgruntled wedding invitee, be prepared with your response. It requires three steps:
- Acknowledge their pain: “I can see you’re frustrated.”
- Reinforce your hope that they still attend: “We really want you there to share in our celebration.”
- Give them an easy out: “But we understand if this is a deal-breaker.”
No apologies needed.
Writing in Today’s Parent, a mom wrote a bristling rebuttal to couples planning a child-free wedding reception, with the headline:
“Why child-free weddings are totally insulting.”
The use of the words ‘totally insulting’ reveals the intractability of this volatile subject. Nonetheless, she presents her “radical proposition” as the solution:
“Here’s my radical proposition: If you love and trust the people you’re inviting to your wedding, then love and trust that they will make the best decision for you on your big day. By explicitly saying “adults only” or “no kids,” these invitations are dictating terms, taking guests’ best judgment out of the matter entirely. Let’s remember, these invitations are to a wedding, where people are celebrating the “eternal” love of a couple who might even have kids one day.”
Before we react, Columbus Pro DJs loves seeing kids at receptions. Sometimes it works very well. Sometimes it doesn’t. Kids can draw adults to the dance floor, but sometimes they can keep them away.
The couple planning the wedding often know the children of their guests, and understand that some will be more problematic than others. They also know some friends and family are unable or unwilling to ‘corral’ their children in public.
Should you decide you want a child-free wedding reception, no need to apologize or explain. It is your decision. Again, be prepared with a response when pressed. For example,
“Thanks for weighing in. We understand that people have different opinions on this subject. After careful consideration, we decided this decision was the right one for our particular event.”
End of story.
So what is the beginning of the story? Entertainment. It makes the event, and quickly melts away any frustration or bitterness a token guest may cling to. Columbus Pro DJs is the best at creating wedding fun and uniting your guests. Check out our availability today.
