Social media churns out juicy wedding controversies on a weekly basis. This blog ran across two recent stories that point to larger question than just wedding etiquette questions. The question is: what is the purpose of a wedding?
Is it an excuse to have a party? No.
Is it an excuse to raise money for a nice vacation, or to play off student loans? No.
The purpose of your wedding will be affected by whether or not the wedding ceremony is religious or secular. Either way, the purpose comes down to commitment. The celebration is secondary to the vows before God (in the case of religious ceremonies) and family and friends (in the case of religious and secular ceremonies). But, because of the seriousness of the institution of marriage, a celebration is a natural extension of the ceremony.
Willard Fr. Harley, Jr., PhD talked about the purpose of a wedding on the website MarriageBuilders:
“A wedding has three purposes, each with its own price tag. But only one of the purposes is so valuable that it should not be ignored.
One purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the marriage. In some cultures, that celebration can go on for a week or more with the couple’s parents (or the couple) supporting the lavish living of friends and relatives as they party on. In our culture, the celebration usually lasts only one evening, but it can still be very expensive.
Another purpose that isn’t often stated, but usually exists, is the showcasing of the bride. It’s her day. She grabs the center of attention, and the more that’s spent, the more valuable she will appear to be to the guests — and presumably, to the groom.
But it’s the third purpose of a wedding that is the most valuable of the three. It’s to provide a ceremony of spoken promises. Before God and witnesses, a bride and groom recite their vows to each other.”
Again, whether or not a ceremony is religious or secular, its function is all about making vows of commitment before witnesses.
Story #1
So a couple of interesting stories, this one via Tik Tok:
A woman planned a wedding and nobody came! Or so the headline said. In fact, five people did show, still a sorry turnout considering she invited a hundred people in all. However, she only sent 25 actual invitations in the mail. The reception may have been perceived as more of a party than a wedding celebration, as the invite told guests that they had to come in costume. This may or may not have been a factor, but the couple had lived together for nine years and had been engaged for four of them.
Anyway, only five people showed. The bride’s description of events on TikTok went like this:
“This is our entrance to our masquerade ball, the masquerade ball that I have talked EXCESSIVELY about for the last 10 months. The same ball that I not only digitally invited over 75 people to. But ALSO spent money to send 25 beautiful invitations out to. FIVE PEOPLE SHOWED UP!!!!!!! Like, are you kidding me!?!? As you see in the video, we enter the venue. And no one is there.”
Is it possible that her overheated recap sheds a little light on why people might have stayed away? Is it possible that people don’t want to wear costumes to a wedding reception? Is it possible that people don’t take a wedding invitation seriously if it doesn’t come in the mail? Maybe. One thing’s for sure, she seemed to be more focused on the party than the ceremony.
Story #2
Brides Magazine reports on a bride whose parents gave her $75,000 to spend on her wedding, or anything else. She and her fiancé agreed to use the funds to pay down her student debt from law school and simply have a courthouse wedding. The future mother-in-law was livid, insisting that they use at least half of the monies for an extravagant wedding.
The couple told mother-in-law that if they want an extravagant wedding, she should pay for it. Things went south from there, to the point that they’ve cut off communication with her and don’t even want to invite her to the courthouse wedding.
What is the common thread in these stories? They’re losing sight of the purpose of a wedding. Weddings bring people together. They shouldn’t tear us apart. The focus IS the ceremony, because that is what gives the celebration its meaning. We live to celebrate, and nothing is worth celebrating more than marriage.
Columbus Pro DJs would like to remind the couple in story #2 that you don’t HAVE to spend $75,000 to have a wildly successful celebration. All it really takes is the right music and wedding entertainment. We provide everything you need with affordable package pricing. Whether your Columbus event is big or small, whether your budget is large or modest, we understand the purpose of a wedding celebration. We will unite your family and friends in a celebration for the ages! Check us out.
