The question is, does the length of a courtship and the length of an engagement have any affect on the future success of a marriage?
A Reddit marriage thread triggered the question. The thread posed the question: “People who divorced after only one year, what happened?” A man responded:
“I was married for less than a year to a woman who professed her undying love to me after only a few weeks of dating. We got married. Then, less than a year later, she said, ‘Jimmy’s back. I never loved you anyway. I just married you for security.’”
In this situation, a few weeks of dating didn’t allow the couple to truly get to know each other.
A psychologist weighs in
Writing in Psychology Today, Theresa DiDonato Ph.D. confirmed that the length of engagement and courtship DOES have an impact on the longterm success of a marriage. She cited research conducted by Emory University in 2015 using a sample size of 3000 married people.
On the surface, says DiDonato, research supports long courtships/engagements:
“Compared to dating less than one year before a marriage proposal, dating one to two years significantly dropped the future likelihood of divorce, about 20 percent lower at any given time point. Dating three or more years decreased the likelihood of divorce at an even greater rate, to about 50 percent lower at any given time point. This suggests that it can be helpful to have at least a few years together prior to entering a marriage.”
Not all couples are the same
But wait! Before panicking and extending your engagement, she is quick to acknowledge these general results don’t apply to everyone. Much depends on the age you meet. There is a big difference between meeting someone at twenty-one compared to thirty-one.
The better you know each other, the better off you’ll be in your marriage. For some couples, the length of an engagement that lasts six months is plenty. For others, a year or more is better. As Dr. DiDonato notes:
“One problem that can detour a marriage that seems to be headed in the right direction is the introduction of unexpected new knowledge about a partner. Do you know, for example, how your partner thinks about and values money, or how he or she would approach being a parent? Learning more about your partner now could ward off some common sources of conflict later.”
Pre-marriage counseling
Many psychologists, and even the Catholic Church, encourage pre-marriage counseling to facilitate the process of fostering critical conversations on key lifelong topics: communication, finances, intimacy, and faith.
Focus on the Family, a global Christian ministry even recommends ‘pre-engagement,’ counseling (see video above). They make a compelling case:
“Focus on the Family recommends that couples who are dating seriously seek counseling before they get engaged. In other words, we think it’s a good idea to place more stress on pre-engagement counseling than on pre-marital counseling.
Why do we say this? Because we’ve found that couples who are already engaged are far less inclined to take an in-depth, honest look at their relationship. In many cases they’ve already purchased the ring, reserved the church and reception hall, sent out the invitations, and hired a photographer. Then there’s the social stigma of breaking off an engagement once it’s been announced. For all these reasons, engaged couples may have a tendency to ignore one another’s character flaws and overlook potential rough spots in the road ahead.”
As you can see, one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to length of an engagement. Same goes for the wedding entertainment when it comes time to officially tie the knot. Every couple is unique. That’s why Columbus Pro DJs offers customizable packages for Columbus couples. Playlists. Decor lighting. Photo Booth. Every couple had different ideas on how to integrate these exciting features. We collaborate with couples to make sure your wedding celebration is all YOU. Check us out.
