Southern Living Magazine has readers with strong opinions on weddings. They don’t like receiving lines. They don’t want gifts brought to the reception. They don’t like rigid protocols on who pays for the wedding. But something they wish would make a comeback are thank-you notes.
This is the #1 sticking point they have about this wedding etiquette which is in a state of woeful decline. One reader said:
“Thank you notes seem to be going out of everyone’s good manners. Not just weddings. I say, if you’re not sending notes out, at least a simple text, call, or just a grunt is better than nothing at all.”
Our parents taught us that thank-you notes are good manners. But this reader pointed out the practical reason for thank-you notes:
“Some gifts arrive by mail/carrier, and we all know how that isn’t 100% these days. The person sending should get the respect of knowing it actually arrived at your door, without having to call you to make sure.”
What happened?
Why are fewer people writing thank-you notes? Apathy? A lack of gratitude? Laziness? Perhaps.
But some people just don’t know what to say. The worst thank-you notes are the ones where it’s obvious the writer hates the task of writing a thank-you note, where it’s obvious they’re trying to get it over with.
The best ones express genuine gratitude and delight at the gift-giver’s thoughtfulness.
We ran across a thought-provoking letter to Miss Manners from a graduating student who asked if the etiquette expert would help her write a thank-you note to send to people who gave her graduation gifts.
Miss Manners response? NO!
Thank-you note guidelines
She knew the student was looking to put the mental effort of composing a thank-you note onto someone else’s lap. Miss Manner’s didn’t take the bait. However, she did provide practical guidelines for writing a meaningful thank-you note:
- ”Thank you” should not be the opening words, because that would suggest you were writing by rote.
- Start with a statement of emotion — that you were delighted that they came to your party, or thrilled when you opened their present.
- Then come the thanks, with a specific mention of the present (except that money is referred to as “your generous gift”),
- And then a friendly line about the donors (such as that you remember something they told you, or that you hope to see them soon). A line about your own plans — summer, college or work — is optional.”
You get the idea.
Be aware that a thoughtful, heartfelt thank-you note is long remembered. Some people save them, because they display how much they matter to you. You have no idea how an authentic thank-you note can brighten someone’s day.
Our advice: View the writing of a thank-you note as an art form. Look at it as an opportunity, not a chore. Take your time with them knowing that they are the perfect coda to a wedding celebration for the ages.
By contrast, the perfect prelude to a successful wedding celebration is the entertainment. Don’t procrastinate, because the wedding specialists like us get booked early. Check us out. We love weddings. Your guests will thank YOU for showing them such a good time!
