Are you ready for marriage?

The Knot reports that the average age women got married in 2022 was 30 years and 32 for men. Median marrying ages have been creeping up for decades. In 2000, the median marrying age was 26.8 for men and 25.1 for women, raising the question: when is a person ready for marriage?

TV host and clinical psychologist, Dr. Phil, takes a practical, and somewhat clinical approach, in his advice to couples:

“Write a list of pros and cons about your partner and your relationship. If you have to talk yourself into marriage — don’t. If you have to talk your fiancé into marriage — no way! Make sure you are not getting married to escape or avoid something. Have you just always wanted to get married? That’s not a good enough reason. If you get nauseous shopping for a wedding dress or seem to be sick every time you have to meet the caterer, listen to your body.”

By contrast, television political commentator Tucker Carlson says that not just getting married, but getting married young, “is the greatest thing you can do.” He advises young couples to “have more children than you can afford.” 

And when asked how to determine if a woman you’re dating is marriage material, he responds with a twinkle in his eye: “When she gets mad at you, does she yell at you, or does she cry? If she cries, marry her. If she yells at you, don’t.”

Data shows that if you get married too young, specifically in your teens, the risk of divorce is higher than if you wait until your twenties. But if you wait until your early thirties, the risk of divorce starts increasing again.

So to the question, how do you know if you’re ready for marriage, The Knot says “first comes love … and then everything else.”

What is love?

Good advice as far as it goes.

The follow up question would be, what is your definition of love? If love is merely a feeling, a marriage won’t last, because feelings ebb and flow. Guaranteed.

Look at couples you consider as role models for marriage. Ask them if they’ve ever had an argument or gotten mad at their spouse. Without exception, they will answer yes. So what keeps them together? Commitment.

Love is so much more than emotion. As the greatest of philosophers, Thomas Aquinas defines it, Love means to will the good of the other. So the best marriages involve self-giving, not self-taking. Two become one.

If you do a Google search on the question, ‘how do you know if you’re ready for marriage,’ you’ll find all kinds of lists, things like:

1. You want to get married.
2. You’re financially independent.
3. You’ve gone through tough times together.

Etc.

Many of these lists contain some good ideas, but what if you haven’t gone through particularly tough times? Does that mean you SHOULDN’T marry? Just the opposite. When tough times come, they are so much easier to navigate when you don’t have to do it alone.

Or what if you’re not financially independent? But there are no shortage of couples who started with nothing and ended up with something, because married couples do better financially than unmarried ones.

So are you ready for marriage? Why don’t you start by asking yourself if he or she is your best friend. If the answer is yes, that’s a pretty good sign.